It is hard for us men to show up at home. It’s basically a universal plague, frustrating wives and often baffling men. Why is it so hard to connect and what keeps us from being our best selves with the people who matter most to us? We want to outline potential answers to this question in a series of posts, and will start by talking about the challenges associated with work. It’s our hope that one or several of these answers will resonate with you and will lead to a desire to give us a call and work through these issues on a deeper level in counseling.
Reason 1- Work is Exhausting
A common theme I hear from men and experience in my own life is the drain that comes from navigating work and career demands. Many of you work jobs that literally take a physical toll, as you work long hours doing heavy lifting or contorting yourself into uncomfortable positions while installing a sink or painting a ceiling. Others find that their work takes more of a mental and emotional toll, as the job requires high levels of focus, analytical thinking, and interpersonal demands. Regardless of the specific job, the hours are typically long and the pressure to perform at a high level, get a lot done, and impress people seems to be unending.
If we’re honest we have to admit that we often give the best of ourselves to our work and come home as empty husks with no energy to interact, wrestle with the kids, or even be hugged. We just want to be left alone, with no demands or expectations after a full day of them elsewhere.
Here’s a barrage of questions to consider: Do you really need to work such long hours? Have you placed too much of your identity and self worth into performing well so that work is more pressured and stressful for you than it needs to be? Do you hate your job and need to consider shifting into something else? Are you bringing work home by either literally continuing to work or by continuing to think about or dwell on it? Do you need to create some kind of evening routine that refreshes you so that you’re able to approach your family in a different way? What in your life story might be impacting your attitudes toward work and what it means to you? Work brings up so many issues for men and so there is a lot that can potentially be unpacked here. And a side note - we need to acknowledge that in most cases our wives are also working demanding jobs whether it’s out in the world or raising kids, and they somehow find the energy to stay present and not be consumed by work. Perhaps we could ask them how they do it and we might learn something!
This side of heaven, work is hard and it is going to have its frustrations. But it’s also supposed to be a place where we’re using our gifts, challenging ourselves, and finding a sense of fulfillment and purpose. If we find that work is doing the opposite and sucking the life out of us so that we can’t have a conversation at home or take any constructive feedback from our spouses, it is a sign that something needs to change. Get in touch today for a free 15 minute consultation and we can figure out whether counseling is a good fit.